Category Archives: Relationships

DUDE…It’s Wednesday and You JUST Realized Valentine’s Day is Tomorrow…

Don’t panic. Ok, maybe a little.

(After 15 minutes)

Done yet? Good. Yes, I know you have less than 24 h….yes, I completely understand you’ve been bu….yes, I know your Valentine will be pi…Seriously, RELAX.

You forgot. It happens. But please, do NOT tell her that. Yet. Panicking won’t help you, most fine dining spots are already booked up, and flowers will cost you an arm and a leg to have delivered. TRUST ME. If you want to still put on a Valentine’s Day to remember, you’ve got to roll your sleeves up. Nothing short of Jesus and something original and heartfelt will save you now. You’re a fixer by nature, and if you’re not, I am, and I’m on your team. But honestly, how did you NOT know tomorrow is Valentine’s Day? Sorry, backtracking.

I’m going to assume you’re on a budget. If not, then you’ll be fine and you don’t need this advice. Cash-strapped and still need to impress? Right this way. Jokes aside, if you’re with a woman that truly likes/loves you, while she won’t be happy by your forgetfulness, she’ll forgive you…oh, you’re into the crazy types…oh…OHHHH…yea, let’s talk. Here’s some last minute ideas that might save you tomorrow.

1) Write her a sincere, unique and heartfelt love letter/poem.

You know why men in almost every sappy love movie ever write love letters or poems? Because when done right, letters/poems are able to deliver the emotions and feelings that we as men sometimes forget to express on a daily basis. Yes, I know you’d do anything for her, but understand this; while men express love through their actions, women still need to HEAR it for confirmation. Didn’t make the most sense to me, either, but it’s the truth.

But you’ve never written a letter/poem before, let alone a GOOD one…I hear you. Here are a few pointers that will help you pull this off. Start with an exercise known as “object writing”. Simply put, it’s a 10 minute (and ONLY 10 minutes. Seriously, don’t cut yourself short or go overboard) exercise that allows you to write about a random topic from by utilizing seven senses. Yes, seven. The first five need no explanation –  Taste, Touch, Sound, Sight and Smell. The remaining two are your Organic Sense and your Kinesthetic Sense. Organic sense is the awareness of your inner bodily functions, such as how your heartbeat reacts, how your breathing tempo changes, how your muscles tighten/loosen, etc. Kinesthetic Sense is your relation to the world around you. Object writing gives you a chance to practice “expressing” yourself fully, diving into the deep recesses of writing you didn’t even know you had. Doesn’t even have to rhyme. Check out http://www.objectwriting.com for the word of the day, and for examples from others. Do about two or three  practice runs at different times of the day. Once you feel comfortable, object write about your Valentine. You’ll find yourself pouring out wells of emotions that she will love. If you have the gift of rhyming, turn that love letter into a love poem. Extra brownie points.

This works best with a talent you already have. Can you sing? Make it a song. Can you play an instrument? Tell her to read the letter/poem out loud as you play a song that you composed for her. Delivery is important here, too. You want the word “cute” to pop in her head. Yes, “cute”.

2) Set up a romantic night where you give her ALL of your time and attention.

V-day isn’t really about the gifts as much as it is about the thought. Most women would rather have their loved ones genuinely spend time with them than to buy an expensive gift without ever showing affection. If you cook for her and spend the night over a romantic dinner full of laughs and conversation, you’re good to go. Beautiful night out? Plan out a night walk or find a spot to gaze at the stars while eating homemade s’mores (start googling places in your area NOW). Find something out of the box (that won’t be over crowded) like a hand dance lesson. Get her curious with random post its, text messages or emails that allude to what’s in store but doesn’t give the plans you have. You’ll have to put in WORK, but you can definitely make it a fantastic, last-minute Valentine’s Day.

3) Be at her service.

This is especially for husbands. From waking moment to waning seconds, you become her personal comfort manager and supervisor. Anything she asks or that she would normally do (cook, handle the kids, clean, etc.), you do, with grace, charisma and charm. Do other things she wouldn’t normally think of, like washing her car. Not married? You can use this idea to a lesser effect, but I’d suggest coupling it with one of the first two. She’ll appreciate the day off.

4) Do something you know she loves that you swore you’d never do.

My wife loves horror movies. I can’t stand them. So I made it pretty clear she’d have to find someone else to watch them with. You know what made her day after an extremely rough day at work? Watching a horror movie with he. Not begrudgingly, but willingly and lovingly. I actually got into it a little bit. However, even if I didn’t, seeing her demeanor change INSTANTLY was more than worth it. Would you do anything to make her smile? Time to prove it. Said you would never watch “The Notebook” with her? Time to break out the tissues.  Swore you’d never get a manicure with her? Time to make those hands sparkle. (Seriously dude, you’re in the HOLE right now. Man up!)

Now let me say this in all seriousness. Valentine’s Day is the day made out to be the day of love (Not arguing the history behind V-Day here), but hopefully you haven’t waited until now to show your Valentine you love her. However, if you’re a single male trying to keep your purity (and I’m praying that you are), you have to be careful. There are plenty of ways to express your love to her that won’t put you both in a tough spot. My prayer is that you and your love enjoy a fantastic Valentine’s Day while still staying faithful to God. If you’re having trouble thinking of ideas that will allow you to stay pure, pray. God is faithful in not giving us more than we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Married men, you have to be willing to compromise and go all out for your love, and you don’t have to break the bank to do this.

Feel better? Didn’t I say I’d help? You do know that in the event something goes wrong, I’m not liable, right? Just checking. Anyways, enjoy tomorrow. Have a great V-day full of love, laughter and memories…

…AND DON’T FORGET NEXT YEAR!

Formula For A Great Relationship

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Let me start off by saying this: Forget finding your prince/princess in the EXACT sense of the word. Forget about much of what you see in romantic comedies/dramas. Forget about the PERFECT relationship.Now breathe.Yea, I know. If you’ve held onto those concepts for awhile, it might take you aback that I ask you to put them aside right off the break. Why? Because they’re whimsical (SAT word haha) ideals that put a mask on TRUE ideals, making themselves seem relevant and making what we all should be pursuing seem unimportant. So let them go.What are the TRUE ideals? Let’s run through them really quick…

1. Forget finding your prince/princess in the EXACT since of the word.
Instead: Understand what it means to have a prince/princess. Security, someone treating you like you deserve the world (because you do), honesty, respect and an enduring, unconditional LOVE. That is what is represented by the Prince/Princess syndrome. If you’re focusing on the fortune aspect of it, then you’ve completely missed the boat.

2. Forget about much of what you see in romantic comedies/dramas.
Instead: Understand that relationships don’t come from nowhere. Now I gotta admit. I’m a HUGE romantic comedy fan. Some of my favorites include Hitch, The Brothers, Brown Sugar, Two Can Play That Game, Deliver Us From Eva, and ANY romantic comedy that has Sanaa Lathan in it. Seriously. With that being said, I find that many people hold on to the ideal that love and lasting relationships just happen. They don’t, and it takes a lot more than an hour and a half of work to form a solid lasting relationship.

3: Forget about the PERFECT relationship.
Instead: Find the woman/man that put you first. No relationship will be PERFECT, just like no friendship is. There will be times when you can’t STAND the other person (trust me). When trying to decide if a relationship is a good one or not, I usually ask these question: If the relationship were to end today, can I honestly say that I have done all I can to make the other person better? Have they made me a better person? Have we shown growth from when we started til now? You want to find someone you can build with, someone you would fight for, and someone who, even after an argument, will say “I love you”. Also important: Find someone who’s flaws you can handle. If you KNOW you can’t handle a jealous woman/man, don’t get into a relationship with one, no matter how fine/gorgeous he/she might be. There is ALWAYS someone else, you just have to find the RIGHT someone.SOOOOOOOOOO….What is the formula?

Well, as much as I love playing with words, I’m still a math guy. So, I think the Formula looks like this…

              (Love + Honesty + Communication + Hard Work) x 2) – Distractions

GOD x  ——————————————————————————————   = Great Relationship

                 (1 x (Unfaithfulness + Secrets + Dishonesty + Assumptions)) + 1

Breakdown:
Love, Honesty, Communication and Hard work are all necessary to make a relationship a lasting one. Hard work means that you’re committed; not trying to run to the next girl/guy after every fight. Thing is, it takes BOTH parties to make it, hence the “x 2”. But you have to eliminate the distractions (other men/women, bad relationship advice, etc.). But even a relationship with all of these aspects in check can be “divided” by unfaithfulness, keeping secrets from each other, lies and constantly assuming your partner is dogging you when he/she isn’t. The more of this you have in your relationship, the bigger the divide will be. HOWEVER, when your relationship is built WITH GOD FIRST, it has the power to OVERCOME ALL OF IT. Gotta love it.

Agree or Disagree with me if you like. I’d love to hear you comments. What do you think?

~ Signing Off